While many mum and dads who are dealing with issues like anxiety or bipolar disorder are able to care for their children in a safe and loving way, sometimes they may benefit from extra help from support networks. We hear more from DR QURATULAIN ZAIDI of MindNLife about helping parents with their mental health in Hong Kong.
A mental health condition such as depression, anxiety or bipolar disorder can, at times, impact parenting capacity.
#1 Depression
Research shows parents experiencing depression may exhibit reduced energy, diminished interest in activities, and impaired concentration. These symptoms can lead to less engagement with their children. This, in turn, affects the quality of parent-child interactions. When children have to rely on themselves to take care of themselves due to low engagement or uncertain engagement from the parent, this can impact the attachment of the child with the parent.
It’s well documented in research that children raised in an environment with unmanaged mental health issues develop emotional challenges such as anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. Behavioural issues including aggression and defiance are also common. Academically, these children can struggle due to difficulties in concentration and motivation. The lack of parental engagement can hinder the development of a secure bond, further impacting the child’s social and emotional growth.
#2 Anxiety
Anxious parents may inadvertently model fearful or avoidant behaviours, which children can internalise, leading to their own anxiety issues. Overprotectiveness is a common trait among anxious parents. It can limit a child’s opportunities to develop independence and problem-solving skills. This dynamic may result in children experiencing heightened anxiety, reduced self-confidence, and social withdrawal. Research shows the constant exposure to a parent’s anxious behaviours can create an environment of uncertainty, further exacerbating the child’s own anxiety levels.
#3 Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar disorder is characterised by extreme mood swings, from manic highs to depressive lows. Children of parents with bipolar disorder often experience an unpredictable home environment due to these fluctuations. This instability can lead to feelings of insecurity, anxiety and confusion. Research studies show there is also an increased risk of the child developing mood disorders themselves. Behavioural challenges, such as oppositional defiant disorder and conduct disorder, are more prevalent in these children. The inconsistency in parental behaviour can make it challenging for children to form secure attachments and develop trust.
#4 Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)
This is a serious mental health condition. If it’s not medically managed and these parents are left unsupported, it can have a detrimental impact on a child’s development. Parents with DID, characterised by the presence of two or more distinct personality states, may exhibit unpredictable behaviours and emotional responses. This unpredictability can cause confusion and fear in children, leading to emotional distress and difficulties in forming a stable sense of self. The inconsistent parenting styles associated with different personality states can result in a lack of clear boundaries and expectations, further complicating the child’s emotional and behavioural development. These children may also feel isolated, as the unique challenges of their home environment can be difficult for others to understand.
How children are affected
Children are particularly vulnerable to the effects of parental mental illnesses, such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder and dissociative identity disorder, during specific stages of their development. The two most vulnerable stages are early childhood development (age zero to five years) and adolescence.
Early life is a crucial period of biological, emotional and mental development. The plasticity of this period makes individuals extremely vulnerable to the impact of stressors. This is why it has been referred to as a sensitive period. Early childhood is the crucial period for attachment and development of a sense of security, safety and trust.
Research shows parental mental health problems act as a stressor for children during a sensitive period because parents are central to the lives of their children and provide an essential source of social control, self-esteem and sense of belonging. Parents with mental health challenges that are not being managed well through support may struggle to provide the necessary bonding experiences, leading to difficulties in children regulating their emotions and behaviour. This can often result in episodes of tantrums, nightmares and sleep problems. It might also result in a regression in potty training, or bedwetting.
During adolescence, children depend on their parents for structure and positive reinforcement. A parent dealing with unmanaged and unsupported mental illness might become less attentive or overly critical. This can potentially cause teenagers to exhibit disruptive behaviours. Research shows that parental mental health issues can lead to increased family stress, which has been linked to higher risks of depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders in adolescents.
The lack of energy that depressed parents often experience may also affect their ability to pay attention to their child’s school routines. Without a parent’s support, school-aged children can struggle to get to school or after-school activities on time. Completing homework can become an overwhelming challenge. A parent dealing with an anxiety disorder can be overprotective, depriving their child of the chance to learn problem solving skills. Research shows a child who witnesses their parent’s anxious behaviour may in turn develop fears and worries.
Some typical challenges
Regardless of the specific disorder, children of parents with significant mental health challenges often face:
- Emotional distress: Feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and depression are common.
- The burden of a caretaker role: Taking on caregiving responsibilities can lead to parentification, where the child assumes adult roles prematurely.
- Social isolation: The stigma associated with mental health disorders may cause children to withdraw from peers and social activities.
- Developmental delays: Emotional and cognitive development may be hindered due to the unstable environment.
Strategies and support for parents
Just because a parent has a mental health challenge doesn’t mean they’re not able to parent their children effectively. Having awareness of the ups and downs, and acting proactively as much as you can to manage mental health issues through medical, psychological or social support networks is key.
Depending on the severity of the challenges, it’s important to put a support framework in place. Also, keep the focus on what’s in the best interest of the children. It’s advisable for the parents to maintain honesty and transparency in parenting their children, to protect them from the worst impact of the mental health challenges on their development. Basic values like respect, flexibility and clear communication help in maintaining a consistent environment for the children.
Mental illness does not define a parent. It’s a part of parenting that needs to be recognised and managed with support, self-care, transparency and honesty to minimise the impact on the children’s wellbeing and development.
Finally, it’s important to seek help and support. Approach qualified mental health practitioners and psychiatrists if and when you need help. Having awareness of the ups and downs, and acting proactively to manage mental health issues through medical, psychological or social support networks is
important.
Dr Zaidi is a British- and Hong Kong- registered clinical psychologist. She works with individuals, couples and families in her private practice in Central, and as a mental health consultant for a number of NGOs and international corporations.
9700 2786 | info@mindnlife.com | mindnlife.com
This article first appeared in the March 2025 edition of Expat Living. You can purchase the latest issue or subscribe, so you never miss a copy!
