When a parent is grappling with an addiction – whether it’s a drug or alcohol addiction, a gambling addiction or something else – their children can find themselves at risk of neglect or harm. Here, in the third instalment of our online series about different categories of mental health and the impact they have on children and parents, we hear from two Hong Kong-based experts on the topic of addiction. They discuss the effects that a parent’s addiction can have on families, and how those addictions within relationships are considered by the court and law in Hong Kong, especially in divorce proceedings.
DR QURATULAIN ZAIDI is a British- and HK-registered clinical psychologist who works with individuals, couples and families in a private practice in Central, Hong Kong.
What are some of the more commonly seen addictions in Hong Kong?
Alcohol addiction is the clear front‑runner. It is socially sanctioned, professionally entwined and constantly present. The line between “normal” social drinking and problematic use blurs when long hours lead to late nights and networking is expected to be done with a glass in hand.
Recreational drug addiction is also part of the picture – for instance, cocaine used in a high-pressure environment where staying “on” is normalised; or cannabis for sleep or anxiety. There are quieter dependencies, too. These might include nicotine and high‑nicotine vapes, or prescribed sedatives and sleeping tablets used longer or more often than intended and often easy to obtain. Gambling at the races, in social settings, or online is another common one.
What can perpetuate this in family dynamics in Hong Kong, from what I have seen in my practice over the decades, is a high-octane work culture, status dynamics, readily available nightlife, and isolation from extended family and usual support systems. Unaddressed underlying mental health challenges can then feed into the maintaining of unhealthy patterns.
Why do some people get stuck?
The psychology of addiction is complicated and multilayered. Repeated use of substances sensitizes our reward and stress circuits. Over time, the brain’s reward centre is “rewired” to prioritise relief over pleasure, making the substance feel essential just to feel baseline OK.
Cues (places, people, time of day, certain work emails) become tightly linked to craving. Genetics, early adversity, untreated anxiety or depression, ADHD, chronic stress, sleep disruption, and loneliness increase vulnerability, and self-medication can easily turn into addiction – especially if you add a sense of isolation, loneliness and dislocation from familiar supports, role and identity changes within couples, constant travel, and pressure to perform.
This is where willpower alone without support is not enough, and why relapse is not always a failure; it just reflects the chronic, relapsing nature of addiction and the environments that cue it.
What does addiction look like in the home?
I meet many expat families in Hong Kong where one parent is struggling with alcohol or drug addiction, the other is trying to keep the environment steady, and the children are absorbing the uncertainty that follows. This family dynamic is energy-consuming, complicated and multifaceted. Addiction is a mental health condition, not a moral failure, yet its ripple effects can be profound.
A place that was safe with familiar patterns and routines doesn’t feel familiar if it’s replaced by constant unpredictability. It can lead to a child (or a non-using parent) feeling like they’re walking on eggshells. They describe not knowing which version of the addicted parent will walk through the door, the familiar one or the unfamiliar, less patient and irritable or angry one.
It’s the cumulative impact of cancelled plans, missed school events, mood changes and lack of emotional availability that teaches children to scan the room to monitor the situation rather than feel safe in it.
For the other parent, this inconsistency creates a heavy emotional and cognitive burden – having to adjust on the go, covering up while maintaining some semblance of normality, and trying to protect the children while managing their own internal emotional storm.
Hong Kong is small and expat circles smaller. Lives of families here are interwoven, which can result in the need for secrecy to cover the shame. People tend to minimise, conceal or normalise behaviours longer than they would in their home base with their support network. Financial strain is added during separation or divorce and the sense of safety is questioned. All this can create a sense of chaos for the whole family system. Family courts usually prioritise a child’s safety and stability, and any concerns about substance use may lead to supervised contact or conditions around access until stability is demonstrated.
How are children affected by addiction, and how can they be supported?
Children are highly attuned to the emotional climate at home. When addiction is present, worry can become a norm of daily life. This can present in younger children becoming clingier or more prone to tantrums. School-age children can show concentration problems or present physical signs of stress like headaches or stomach aches. Teenagers can swing between withdrawal and anger, sometimes experimenting with substances themselves when access is easy and parental modelling is confusing.
There is hope. The strongest buffer is the presence of one consistently sober, emotionally available caregiver. Predictable routines, regular mealtimes and consistent bedtimes all create a sense of consistency and safety. Honest, age‑appropriate conversations can help protect children – using simple language about addiction as an illness, reassuring the child that it’s not their fault, and giving them permission to talk about their feelings.
As for wider support, child and adolescent psychologists, play therapists and family therapists all provide safe spaces to process feelings and learn coping skills. School‑based counsellors are often invaluable; if the school knows there is a concern, they can quietly monitor the situation and offer support.
What help is there for a parent who is struggling with addiction?
In Hong Kong, English public options and in‑person peer groups are limited, so many expats rely on private clinicians, with intensive outpatient care locally and regional residential programmes if needed. Having a strong support network is important, and that includes a team around you of professionals and friends – an experienced, qualified psychologist; a school counsellor to support the children and family system; and two or three steady friends or family you can call.
Medication can help for some substance-use disorders. Good supportive holistic care looks at the whole person and system: substance use, mental health, sleep, stress, relationships and structure.
The most important step is the first one, which is to acknowledge the problem and engage a professional clinician to put a plan in place to help navigate this change, if and when you’re ready to make the change. Ensure safety measures are in place: no driving after drinking or using, and absolutely no using in the child’s presence. If legal proceedings are ongoing – for example, around divorce or custody – find a supportive collaborative lawyer and be transparent with them about treatment engagement and testing. Litigation can be toxic, so avoid it if possible. Accept your responsibility for substance use and get the help to manage it.
If you’re the non-using parent, know you don’t have to do this alone. Put your own oxygen mask on first, and put in measures for self‑care so you can be present for your family and provide a consistent base with predictable structure and routine.
What’s a final word on the topic that might be helpful?
This is a transition, and there is an end to it. Families can and do come through this. I have seen parents move from shame and secrecy into recovery, and with time, trust grows back. I have seen children who were anxious and watchful find their footing with one steady adult, then flourish as things settle. We know well that any healing and repair is never linear and it takes time; however, it is possible. Addiction prefers silence; recovery begins in conversation.
Dr Quratulain Zaidi
WhatsApp +852 9700 2786 | mindnlife.com
VANESSA DUFF is a specialist family/divorce lawyer and Partner at Charles Russell Speechlys LLP
What happens when a parent reports their partner because of an addiction that is affecting their children?
Addictions can be severe, lifelong conditions that involve the compulsive seeking and taking of a substance or the performance of an activity, regardless of the potential adverse consequences. Unlike substance abuse, where individuals can often stop at a certain point, addiction is compulsive and can be difficult to overcome without help.
A parent may alert the authorities about their partner’s addiction, and if there is a child being impacted this will likely result in the intervention of the social welfare department, and the appointment of a social welfare officer. The latter will attend at the home and monitor the situation.
Parents may also seek the court’s intervention, usually to pursue changes to custody and care arrangements. The court will assess the type of addiction, what evidence there is, and its effects on the child.
If the court determines that the addiction impacts the child’s wellbeing, or the child is at risk of harm (either psychological or physical), it may modify custody and care arrangements. In severe cases, sole custody may be awarded to the other parent. The extent to which the court will intervene will differ according to the addiction in question.
The court doesn’t automatically revoke parental rights if addiction is identified in a parent, as it seeks to balance the importance of a child maintaining a relationship with both parents while protecting the child from any unacceptable risk of harm.
If there is a potential risk of harm, the court may require supervised access between the child and the parent with the addiction or impose conditions. In particular, the court may require a parent to undergo testing and submit regular test reports (see below) to the other parent and the court to demonstrate negative results immediately before and/or after access and thereafter on a regular basis.
How do the courts view addiction when it comes to divorce?
The sole ground for initiating divorce proceedings is that the marriage has broken down irretrievably. To satisfy the court that the marriage has broken down, a spouse must present grounds for the breakdown. Specifically, a divorce can be commenced on the basis of unreasonable behaviour of the other party, and addictive behaviours can be cited to support the reason for marital breakdown.
When granting a divorce, the court generally does not consider the cause of marital breakdown. However, it does consider the individual circumstances and capacities of the parties when addressing issues related to finances and children. For instance, if significant sums of money have been spent by one spouse on gambling, this may have an impact on the financial award.
What are some legal ramifications of a parent having an addiction in child custody proceedings?
The court can make orders regarding the custody of any child under 18, as well as orders for care and control and access. The primary consideration when making decisions is the child’s best interests, and the court will consider the child’s wishes, depending on their age and maturity, and relevant information, including social welfare reports.
Typically, the court will request a social welfare report, which involves a comprehensive assessment of the family’s situation by a social welfare officer. The officer will interview the parents and child/ren, and prepare a report for the court, including recommendations on care and access arrangements. These social welfare reports serve as the “eyes” and “ears” of the court, and while their recommendations can be persuasive, the court is not obligated to follow them.
When addictions are an issue, frequently a clinical psychologist will also be appointed. They’ll be asked to produce a report for the court dealing with parental capacity.
If the court finds that there is sufficient evidence of addiction, it will first consider the impact on the child. If the addiction is related to drugs or alcohol, the direct impact on the children may be greater than in the case of a gambling or sex addiction. But each case will turn on its facts. For example, a parent who stays up all night on gambling websites and then sleeps throughout the day and is incapable of meeting a child’s needs can potentially pose a greater risk of harm than a parent who drinks excessively, but who is relatively unaffected by the alcohol due to tolerance.
What happens if a court decides a child shouldn’t remain in the care of the addicted parent?
If the court determines that it isn’t in the child’s best interests to remain in the care of the parent with an addiction, it may change the care arrangements and restrict the parents’ access to the child. The court can order that access be supervised by an independent third party or arranged through the Social Welfare Department.
A number of conditions/measures are typically imposed for a specific period and may be lifted if positive progress is shown. These include:
- Imposing regular or random drug/alcohol tests, which may be mandated as a pre-condition to access taking place. The primary drug testing methods in Hong Kong are urine and hair tests. For alcohol, random breathalyser tests can determine if the parent is drinking.
- Requiring the parent to attend rehabilitation programs or addiction therapy. For instance, parents with sex or gambling addictions might need to attend specialised sex or gambling counselling services offered by registered social workers or professional counsellors to address the root causes of the addiction and improve family dynamics.
What type of proof of addiction is needed in these instances?
A parent seeking to protect their child from a parent with addictions must produce cogent and reliable evidence of the addiction, and the impact on the child.
This can include documented proof such as police reports related to drug offences or impaired driving, and medical records that highlight health issues resulting from addiction (for instance, liver cirrhosis in the case of substance abuse, or sexually transmitted diseases in the case of sex addiction).
Photographic or video evidence of a parent in an inebriated or drug-induced state, or bank transactions showing significant spending on gambling websites, or unusually high cash withdrawals can also be produced. Internet search histories may also be produced to the court.
Witness testimony is also relatively common, and may involve accounts from individuals such as neighbours, domestic helpers, coworkers or family friends who have observed a parent engaging in addictive behaviours. The credibility of these witnesses is evaluated based on the consistency of their accounts alongside the other evidence presented.
Expert opinions from professionals – substance abuse counsellors or medical practitioners, for example – can help the court understand the medical side of addiction and evaluate the potential impact and risk to the safety of the child.
Do particular types of addiction have different legal ramifications?
Different types of addictions can have distinct legal ramifications in the context of family law.
Gambling addictions
- Gambling addictions can lead to significant financial distress, potentially resulting in bankruptcy or insolvency. When couples are going through a divorce, they must prepare for full disclosure of their assets. This includes all bank accounts, investments, liabilities, and other assets. Gambling debts will then be fully revealed during divorce proceedings.
- Financial misconduct such as excessive gambling or significant spending on drugs or sex workers could be important factors in how the court decides to divide matrimonial assets. The court may be asked to notionally “add back” to the matrimonial pot the amount spent by the spouse on their habits before any division of assets. However, this usually requires the court to be satisfied that the expenditure is “wanton” “reckless” or “extravagant”.
- Nonetheless, it can be contentious in cases where the spouse lacks conscious control over their spending. This may not constitute “reckless” dissipation of marital assets, if their addiction means that they aren’t capable of self-control. Ultimately, this evaluation is highly dependent on the specifics of each case.
Substance addiction (drug or alcohol addiction)
- A spouse struggling with substance addiction may struggle with mood swings, leading to unpredictable or even aggressive behaviours, which can increase the likelihood of psychological or physical abuse.
- If a spouse demonstrates aggressive behaviours, the other spouse can apply to the court for a non-molestation order (which takes the form of an injunction) to protect their safety and wellbeing, and that of any children. These may be accompanied by an authorisation for arrest if the court determines that the spouse has caused or is likely to cause actual bodily harm to the other spouse or a child.
- In addition, a spouse can apply for an occupation order, which specifically addresses the issue of occupying the matrimonial home. This order may prevent one spouse from entering and/or remaining in the matrimonial home. Note that the court considers an occupation order a serious measure, typically granting such orders only as a last resort.
Sex addiction
- Sex addiction can escalate tensions between a couple, leading to feelings of betrayal and a breakdown of trust.
- While adultery by itself doesn’t directly affect child custody and care decisions, the court will examine whether the addiction negatively impacts the child. For example, if a parent solicits sex workers or frequently views pornography in the presence of the child, or if they leave the child unsupervised to pursue sexual encounters, this can raise serious concerns about their ability to care for the child.
- Regular exposure to internet pornography may also harm a child’s emotional and developmental well-being. If the court has significant concerns about a parent’s behaviour, it may mandate supervised access to ensure the child’s safety.
How can ongoing treatment and outcomes affect legal decisions?
The court places weight on a spouse’s efforts toward rehabilitation and treatment. The court evaluates the spouse’s ongoing commitment to providing a safe and stable environment for their child.
For substance addiction, documented evidence of active participation in rehabilitation programs can be beneficial, demonstrating a proactive approach to personal improvement and a willingness to take responsibility for past actions. A spouse can present all relevant evidence to the court, including regular drug tests, participation in support groups, and other measures that ensure adherence to treatment throughout the rehabilitation program. It is also advisable to request evidence from professionals at rehabilitation centres, such as a letter detailing the spouse’s recovery progress and treatment.
In cases of gambling or sex addiction, the relevant parent/spouse should seek assistance from a qualified mental health professional and present evidence, such as a comprehensive psychological report, to demonstrate their fitness to care for a child.
If necessary, the court may order a progress report from professionals to determine whether any temporary supervised access arrangements should be revisited.
Vanessa Duff
+852 2531 3438 | charlesrussellspeechlys.com
This article covering the challenges around mental health and parenting, including the legal ramifications of a parent’s drug or alcohol addiction, is part of an online series. See the first instalment of the series here, the second instalment here, and find more pieces like this in our Wellness section.
